Definitely failing! But more importantly, I'm learning!

This week has been a very interesting one. I am trying to be more thoughtful in my parenting patterns, not so much like walking on egg shells, but more like really thinking about what I am going to say before I say it and running it through a filter, so to speak, to be sure that I am conveying the intended message.

I am learning that my son's acting out isn't because he's a jerk, it's because he's coming from a place of fear. Our family has had so many changes over the past couple of years that his world has been turned upside down and I have asked him to roll with the punches more than he should have to.

I guess the biggest learning point came just yesterday. I woke up early so I could finish up some reading and preparation for one of my classes, so I was very engaged in my work. When he woke up, he came into my office, all sleepy eyed, wanting to tell me about a dream he had. Well, I kept one eye on the computer and probably half of an ear for him and he got angry. He yelled, "Mom, you're supposed to look at me and listen to me!" I tried to explain that I needed to finish this one thought and then my attention would be all his, but he stormed out of the room telling me to "just forget it, whatever!" I could have very easily set my work aside for those few minutes but I chose not to. Now I was faced with thinking about how I could have handled it differently and examining whether I was the one to blame for his outburst. While there are plenty of times where he is demanding and clingy and acting out for attention in appropriate ways, this wasn't one of them and I was most certainly at fault. I tried to get him to tell me his dream, but he refused. So I waited until right before he left for school and sat next to him, apologizing for not making time and asked him to tell me about his dream. He immediately went into this big long tale that I had trouble following, but we were spending the time that he needed.

I know I could be getting more out of these Beyond Consequences classes if I had the proper time to truly devote to the reading. I am kind of having to skim it, read the slides, and listen to the sessions after the fact, all while trying to keep up with my studies for my doctoral program. It's not that easy, but it is helping. I am no longer thinking he's acting out just to spite me and trying to understand more from his perspective. Despite my inability to fully engage in the classes, I would definitely suggest them to others who are going through the wringer with their kids. A great place to start would be checking out the following sites: http://beyondconsequences.com or http://parentingonlineclasses.com/blog or http://Facebook.com/DareToLoveTour